July 17^th, 2026

Rehearsing Suffering

A major obstacle to meditation is the tendency of our mind to get stuck in negative thinking. The mind “rehearses” the scenarios that bother us, ultimately because it wants to resolve the problem and to find a way out. Unfortunately, it may get stuck like the needle of the gramophone, repeating the same track ceaselessly...

Everything we routinely do can be understood as rehearsing. With this awareness, we learn to use our mental search engine mindfully and selectively put in our search bar only positive elements. In neuroscience, it is known that neurons that “fire together wire together...”

Frequently activated neural pathways may begin to function automatically, manifesting as a habit or a habitual pattern—and this becomes your personality over time...When you do or say something negatively the first time, you may feel bad about it, but the second time it may already feel less unsettling...And then the behavior may become a habit...It can become uncontrollable. A habit becomes a personality, which then determines the course of your life and destiny...

We have to rehearse in a positive way, so it gets easier to see the positive side of a situation... The sign or appearance of the object or situation may be exactly the same, but the state of mind determines how we perceive the situation. Through practice, we can train our mind to be in a state of spaciousness: calm, positive, and able to perceive the situation with more clarity, equanimity, and a sense of possibility.

Upon my request, Thay [Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh] once wrote me a calligraphy that said, “You think so?” Practicing self-inquiry with this question has taught me so much about how I think about suffering. “It’s mine! You don’t understand it. My pain is greater than your pain.” It takes a lot of courage to release and let go of our negativity.

Let’s try this practice. For example, say you have a negative thought toward yourself... Breathe, smile, and ask yourself, “You think so?”

Continue to breathe, smile, and listen for a while.

Has anything changed?

You think so?

Sister Dang Nghiem
Adapted from Flowers in the Dark: Reclaiming Your Power to Heal Trauma through Mindfulness by Sister Dang Nghiem © 2021 by Sister Dang Nghiem. Reprinted in arrangement with Parallax Press.